Silent Tune

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–Prologue

When your presence-once and for all-in that peaceful moment of late morning is calm and at peace, while you’re alone despite being lonely, only then do you realize once more-or perhaps for the very first time-how serene you really are. And it gives you that lacked zest for life again. It comes once more to you, that amazing glow for growth. And it just lets you be with life other than any other thing; Other than any other wish or concern. You are once more but all your wish and concern. You are in harmony with the harmony. You are simply being you. Can you keep doing that? Will you not even try? Would you just not listen and let go?

– -Setting: the streets
– -Characters: us (me and you)

We’re walking down the long street; first silently, then talking. At times you’re silent, at times I am. But we’re both doubtlessly talking of our concerns of life.
– Me: why do you think is it that I can’t experience happiness?
– You: oh come on! You have; so many times. You have so much to be thankful for.
– Me: yes, yes. I know. I am grateful. I am thankful. It’s just there’s also a considerable amount of unhappiness in my life and that, I’m not thankful for.
– You: well, I guess you could be right.
– Me: does it even matter if I am right? I mean, you just agreed with me, but what does it prove? That I’m right? So what? It doesn’t bring any clarity.
– You: what are you saying? Of course we have no clarity. But our life is what we make of it.
– Me: I beg to differ my friend. I think there’s a path for us all. We just get to pick the twists and turns. But in the end, we’re just on that very path, moving forward. Inevitable. Like death; awaiting us at the very end. So you see? Not so much of a choice really.
– You: well, when you put it that way… I guess you could be right.
– Me: you know, without you confirming, I’ll be just fine!
– You: so you want me to shut up and say nothing? I thought we were having a conversation.
– Me: perhaps you should shut it and say none if you have nothing worth saying. We all should do so at times.
– You: and live in silence? We might as well die!
– Me: yes, what’s wrong with that really? With absolute silence. Not saying anything when we have none to say? I, for one have or think that I have so much to say; too much. So many things. But the more it goes, the more I realize I can’t say what I want to. Either I can’t express the thoughts through words or possibly there’s not much being said.
– You: or perhaps people are not interested or don’t understand or don’t care?
– Me: no, that can’t be it. They had come all this way to listen. To hear me. I myself had invited them all!
– You: what?! Come where? Hear what? What the hell are you talking about?! God, you’re mad!

–Setting: the conservatoire
–Characters: us (me and them)

They’re sitting out there. I’m behind the curtains; taking out my violin, having absolutely no idea what I’m about to play. You see, I don’t play the violin; I don’t know how. But they’re out there, awaiting this amazing talent show. I would love to express all I have inside through this music. It’s just I don’t know how to play the goddamn violin!
– Me: damn it! The show’s about to start. What the hell am I gonna play for them? I only know 5 notes with a broken melody which I haven’t even practiced for more than a year.
I, then peek through the curtain. They’re taking their seats. They’ve come all this way to hear me play. They think I have so much to offer. I hear them.
– They: this is gonna be good. He’s great. We’ve never heard him play but he’s amazing. He’s just perfect; that’s just how he is. The show should begin any second.
– Me: what should I do? Would it be so awful if I just played the 5 broken notes? Will they be able to tell I suck at this? I want to give them something. Anything! I want to show them all the love I have inside. They’ve come to hear me play.
I, then take the bow. The curtains flow to the sides. They give me a standing ovation. Then they wait. I play. It sounds like 5 broken notes struggling for a melody; a tune of some kind. I and only I know that I have no idea what I’m playing. But they’re just listening; in silence. They’re watching me play. I, who seem so certain.
And then I die; of something so deep, so intense. And the stage is gone. The stage turns into nothingness. And the violin no longer is. The 5 broken notes fade away. And I no longer am.

April 2010

Cosmic Heat

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– Feed me with the glow of the stars tonight…

– It’s not that I don’t want to do that; I’m just not sure if I really could.

– But I’m longing for the taste of that glow tonight; could you do it? Will you try?

– If only I could reach them I guess.

– But you haven’t even tried! Stretch out your hands, look, let me show you how it’s done. Here you go, let me feed you one…

– So? How does it feel? Tell me?

– Break your silence!

– It’s…it’s just…I never knew you could feel such feeling. What am I feeling? I feel such warmth inside; Is this how love feels? What am I in love with? Who?!

– It’s alright, now you reach out and feed me one; I’m yearning…

– I…

– Come on! It’s not all that hard; you only need to believe and reach out. Have some faith in this feeling; trust your heart; trust this sweet sensation.

– Yes, that’s right; now try to pick that shining star; feel it inside your heart and feed me with that star…

– I can feel it against my fingertips…there’s something filling up my soul…can I contain all this? I’m not certain…have never been this confused. Who am I? Could you tell me?

– It’s all fine; just feed me with that star.

– Will you be okay? Could you take it?

– Just stop thinking, stop all the empty thoughts; no more words.

– Where is this place?

– I think we both know very well where this is. This is where love takes over. This is where only warmth could be; only Life and the certainty of a heart so sure…this is where we can be, for as long as we desire, to be… this is timelessness, placelessness and the end of lack…

– I could be here forever.

– And you might’ve been; you could be if your soul wishes. Do you wish to stay here? We could live what we’re living, keep feeling what we’re feeling for as long as it’s our desire…

– Let me feed you another star; this could all end soon…

– Don’t worry; it’s night time; we’ve got all the starry skies to ourselves; we’ve got all the stars to feed from; let me feed you with all the stars in the universe tonight; your soul for sure could contain it all…you know your heart is asking for it.

– Tonight I’m all yours baby; do what you have to do with me; I want to feel it all inside. I want to feel it as much as I can feel…you make my soul fly where it never has…

– Feed me with the glow of the stars tonight baby…

September 2011

The White Room, The Orange Lilly

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The girl takes another drag and coughs some more; now with tears in her eyes, goes:

–          I was going to have a croissant but the corner scratched my throat as it was going down.

Coughs some more and spatters what looks like bits of a grayish paste into the face of the boy.

The boy blurts out:

–          You are spitting all over my face!

–          Well, you’re the one who started the day off with the sweet topic of diarrhea, remember? I’m utterly sorry if a few chunks of soft croissant on your face deem unpleasant dear.

They find themselves back in the room.

–          Did you close the door?

–          No.

Silence

–          Well, did YOU close the door?

–          No.

–          So, who closed the door?

–          Well, I didn’t. I don’t know!

–          Well, neither did I, you know…

They laugh, now leaving the room behind. They enter darkness. A candle is lit in the corner, on a side table, neighboring a bed, covered by black and purple satin sheets. The room resembles the white room with the single orange Lilly in the corner. They stand there, looking into each other’s eyes for a very long moment, in absolute silence. The shimmering light as well as the dancing shadows, reflecting and streaming in their eyes… they keep looking into one another’s eyes for an eternity. Days go by, weeks, months, years on end…until suddenly, on that very fateful moment…

–          So, what are you waiting for?

–          Well, I’m waiting for you…

–          I was here all along, in case you never noticed.

–          But were you present? What were YOU waiting for?

–          What I was waiting for is completely irrelevant…

–          Oh I see. Well, shall we just keep waiting?

–          Alright then.

Back in the white room, the orange Lilly is looking upon two figures in the distant whites of the room. They seem to get closer, becoming one. The orange Lilly witnesses a certain flow in their movement. The Orange Lilly is possessed by a phoenix. Dust after fire, fire after dust…The merge of the two figures into one is still quite visible.

–          I am leaving.

–          It’s alright, goodbye.

Another lengthy kiss, back to the outside world, beyond the rooms, the Lilly and the candle…

The End

September 2013